Scott Ervin argues resentment and entitlement rob children of control

Resentment and entitlement are the two primary factors that remove a child's control over their own happiness, according to Scott Ervin. The educator argues that these traits place the responsibility for satisfaction outside the individual, creating a cycle of stress and depression.

Ervin, who teaches adults to improve children's behavior, published a column for Tribune News Service on Oct. 28. He stated that the human brain struggles to learn what not to do. Consequently, he focused on specific actions that cause maximum damage to a child's development.

He defines resentment as the bitter indignation of being treated unfairly. Children start life small, weak, and poor while the world is big, strong, and rich. Ervin notes that humans dislike feeling powerless. This makes it easy for a child to resent their initial station in life. Resentment shifts the locus of control over negative feelings to the world. This creates a depressing and stressful environment where the child believes their life is bad because of external forces.

This attitude makes children feel angry and helpless. If a child believes the world is evil and against them, they see no realistic way to relieve that anger. Resentment can become a habit. When resentful people act out, the world pushes back. The world then appears bad and evil to the child. This interaction creates a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Ervin defines entitlement as the belief that one deserves specific privileges. In a child's life, this equates to the idea that someone else controls their satisfaction. This often starts innocently when a parent provides a wanted item. Over time, expressions of want can evolve into rude demands. Providing every good and service, such as driving the child or cleaning their room, compounds the belief that others are in charge of their satisfaction.

Allowing a child to feel resentful and entitled removes their control over their happiness. If a child feels they have no control, they may question why they should get up in the morning or try to do anything. Ervin states that these beliefs are comfortable because they require no effort or self-reflection. Not allowing these traits makes the child uncomfortable. Moving from a victim to a hero in their own life story requires struggle. The benefit of having a chance to be happy is worth that struggle. Ervin plans to detail specific actions to stop these habits in his next column.